One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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