When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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