I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
