I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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