Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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