I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is it penis luge time yet?
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my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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