Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
