Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
