do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
