I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
