I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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