she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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