Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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