and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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