Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
