you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
