You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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