Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
