hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
