Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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