Can i not drive my cunt home
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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