I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
