the condom got lost in my hair
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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