no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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