So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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