I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
