my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
