White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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