**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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