Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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