the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he tried to convert me to islam
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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