So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
