Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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