And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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