I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
