sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
