I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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