Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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