Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
