I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
