SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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