I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
