capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
