I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
