Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
