Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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