I just pynch a tree in the face
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
