im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
