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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope my margaritas pass through security.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.

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  These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name

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• (360): View more from Washington

  And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads

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• (512): View more from Texas

  You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.

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• (830): View more from Texas

  Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.

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  21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.

  (1+61): View more from

  Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!

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• (818): View more from California

  I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world

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