Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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