my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store