Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
