mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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