Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
