Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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