yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
