I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
