I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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