If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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