Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
