Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize