history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
