I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
