I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
