Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wakey wakey hands off snakey
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This toilet bowl is my home.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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