I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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