i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
