Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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