A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
