JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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