guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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