Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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