so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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