so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
