You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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