I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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