Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
