dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've blown a few things in my day
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
