He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
