Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
