I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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