I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize