if only i could text you this smell
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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