I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
