my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
