Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
