Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
