does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't put those talents on a resume
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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