I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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